We see butterflies flying around gracefully in complete freedom. Its becoming, its emergence, its majestic beauty—comes by a process.

Before the butterfly emerges—the caterpillar must be changed into a butterfly. Without change—the caterpillar would never develop its wings to fly. Without wings—it would never fulfill its purpose.

The transformation of a caterpillar doesn’t happen out in the open. It’s a process and it happens inside of a chrysalis: an enclosed protective covering where the caterpillar is shut-in.

As the caterpillar is shut in—it eats itself. It eats its flesh: it disintegrates and its old parts are transformed. Wings are developed as it turns into a butterfly. The butterfly is then ready to fly free. It’s then ready—to fulfill its purpose. 

I was a caterpillar and I needed to develop my wings. I needed to be set free.

I suffered deeply in a wounded place. As I suffered from narcissistic abuse—I allowed bitterness to take root in my heart. I was bound in bitterness. As the poison of bitterness overflowed from within me: I cursed and shamed the one who abused me—publicly. I was abused and then I struck back in my flesh.

This reaction of my flesh—was ugly. In bitterness—I fell. I dirtied myself. A stinking mess. I was covered in filth in the eyes of the Lord. But—His love and faithfulness—wouldn’t allow me to remain this way.

It was time to be purged, healed and developed. It was time to enter my chrysalis, the wilderness. The wilderness: a sanctification, healing and consecration period.

For over a year—I was a complete shut-in. A complete shut in: I had never experienced anything like it in my life. I was living in total confinement. I had no visitors in sight. No friends in sight. No family in sight. It was literally just me and the Lord for over a year.

For over three years—I lived solitary. Just myself and the Lord.

In my chrysalis, the wilderness, an ordeal—in my divine encounter with the Lord—I learned: as we belong to Him—even when we fall, He doesn’t leave us alone. His faithfulness sees us through to make us better. Even in what appears most hopeless—He shapes us into winners. In the hurting places, I encourage you to yield to the work that the Lord wants to do inside of you. When you yield to the work, you’re able to be shaped. You’re the Lord’s beloved—called to be pure. I remember: although I looked hopeless—I wasn’t alone. Hand in hand: "time had moved along the road. My soul—questioned my existence—disturbed by judgements. People skip the book and read the cover, but the pages are never wasted. In spite of what appeared, my soul remembered to hope in Him. Tick tock, tick tock. Seconds into minutes—minutes into hours—hours into days—days into—His time. Moments purposed—I had been shaped in time.”–Hand In Hand

The moments contained lessons that were part of the process of transformation. In this chrysalis, in this wilderness—I had to learn how to walk in forgiveness. In this chrysalis, in this wilderness—I had to learn how to walk in love. In this chrysalis, in this wilderness—I had to learn how to walk trusting the Lord.

Reaction comes naturally—but as God’s children—we’re not called to react. We’re called to respond. Reaction—is a walk in the flesh. Response—is a  walk in the Spirit. We can’t do it alone. We can choose to react or we can choose to respond: but only one choice—leads us to fly.